28.09.18

"I've been looking for you", he said.

I've been looking for me too I replied.

I was walking towards kings cross to my psychotherapist appointment. It was around 8.30am.

He asked me for a cigarette in gestures.
I nodded.
He smoked it like he was sucking on my lips.

"where are you going" He asks.
To the hospital.

"I will take you, I can heal you"
How?

"I will show you, come on."
We start walking for a few minutes in silence.

Look at all these robots going to work, I said as we walked through the urban chaos.
"They don't see the light" he replied. "Too busy looking down there when they should be looking up there."
He pointed to the grey sky, driech, my favourite.

I love the grey, it reflects the true condition of the planet, I said.
"There is no grey, just ultraviolet" He replied.
I don't see it, I said puzzled.

"stop right here, just wait"
We stopped outside the coffee shop on the street. People looked at us as we stood there.
The cars paused at the red light.

I don't have much time I said, I have to see the doctor.
"You have all the time"

I don't, I'll be late.
"I will gift you more time" he said.

He pushes up the sleeves of his wrist.
"give me your hands"
He pushes the fabric off my wrist and touches the top of our wrists together then wiggles his fingers.

"see, now you have time."
I smile.
I hadn't been touched in months, I felt like I wanted the attention to go on. I didn't want to him to stop giving me time, even if it meant touching my wrists.

I light a cigarette.
A homeless man comes up to us and asks us for money. The homeless man asks for a pound, he replies "no you give me a pound". The homeless man says I don't have a pound that's why I'm asking you. He tips his head back, as if to say he doesn't believe him. He starts tapping the homeless mans trouser pockets, the homeless man reacts saying he doesn't have anything.

I don't know if they know eachother but I stood there watching these two people engage in a way that I haven't seen in ages. A way two people communicate in mutuality, as if both neighbours, both friends, communicating with no social construct of restraint.

Eventually the homeless man walks away. We continue walking toward St Pancras Church.
I hate this world I say, that's why I'm sick and need to see a doctor, I say.

"You don't need to see a doctor, I can heal you."
If you heal me who will heal you?

"I heal myself".
How?

"I have been to demonland, under the layer, zombieland, space, I've travelled through it all, seen it all."
Where are you going now? I reply.

"going to the high tower, to the ultraviolet."
"we are acutara, higher light beings"

How old are you? I ask
"Life years, 35"

And non life years?
"too many to count"

How do you get to the high tower?
"through the vortex's, i can show you"

He looks at me right in the eye. As if he knows I am lost. As if he sees every nerve and cell within my body, all I've seen travelling from my pupils into his.

I can't live this life anymore, I say.
"you have to circle, move in circles."
He makes a gesture with his hands: Points his right fingers into the palm of his left.

"See this, move like this, through, in circles"
He starts walking in between the bollards. Threading his body through each one.

"in circles like this"
I laugh, amongst all the people rushing by in straight lines, this mans motion juxtaposed reality. I fell in love with him then.

We cross the road and are met by a sign leaning against the street light. It said 'Ends Here' with a construction worker symbol.
He points to it and laughs.

"The end"
He then picks the sign up and turns it the other way.

"I can show you the vortex"
I was intrigued by this man who offered all the words I wanted to hear. A stranger that knew a way into a parallel universe. A ticket into the void.

We approach the hospital and he gestures to cross the road.
I can't it's here.
"no look it's dead, he points to the brown leafed tree outside the church. We have to go to the life, you have to follow what is alive. Look over there is alive, he points to the green trees on the other side of the road.
I hadn't even noticed. He was right, they were dead in the church. I glimpse over the graves, and look back at him.

I can't I have to go to see the doctor.
"But I will heal you, if we go over there"

I cant im sorry I have to go.
He flicks his wrist at me as he looks left and right to cross the street.
I smile at him as he walks away then wave to him.

"See ultraviolet" He shouts before disappearing into a side street.